I think I think too much

This is a kaleidoscope iris, cool, huh?

I’m pretty sure I have adult ADD. In fact, I’ve probably had it my whole life. I never really knew what ‘it’ was, but of course when the new ADD craze smothered the media in the 90’s, the epiphany came – this is ME!!

Here’s a little info for the curious
http://www.adultadd.com/2_1_what_is/2_1_what_is.jsp

My mind usually races in a billion different directions at once; I really have to work at it to get myself to focus on one thing for any real amount of time. I’m completely hyper. I literally cannot relax – well 95% of the time, anyway. I’m worried I’m gonna have a heart attack or stroke some day because of this. I worry about everything, I stress over every little thing possible to stress over, I get irritable. Doesn’t this sound like fun? Imagine what an adult-ADD party would be like :op. I’m very impulsive. The worst expression of this trait is with managing my money. I simply don’t do it. I know it’s not rocket science; it’s not that hard to do. I just literally can’t seem to do it. I tell myself, "now this month you won’t spend all of your paycheck (I get paid once a month, which for ADDers like myself is financial suicide) the first week, you’ll space it out and make it last." Riiiiiiiiight. I just literally can’t.

I’m notorious for starting things and never finishing them. Like that ‘get your degree at home’ program for writing, going to college (went, just never finished), writing poetry and short stories. The only two things I’ve ever done long enough to overcome this were quitting smoking and joining a gym two years ago. And those are, luckily, two good ones.

I walk from my desk into the supply room and by the time I get there, my mind is 20 paces ahead and I have no idea why I went in there. To counteract this speedracing mind of mine, I try and force myself to make lists and write things down, so that I won’t forget or get distracted. Of course I start the list, and never finish it. Then I worry about the unfinished list. See, domino effect with no pizza on the side.

Back in the 90’s I went to the doctor and tried some of the medications they had out, such as Ritalin. It’s supposed to counteract the mind’s speediness and level everything out. Well, lucky me, didn’t work. I seemed more focused mentally, but physically it made me twice as speedy as I was before. Not good for the blood pressure.

Can I just have some valium. Please??? Really, I think I deserve it dammit! :o)

In the grand scheme of things, there are plenty of way worse medical conditions to have, so I should consider myself lucky, right?

Of course I recently got my blood pressure checked, and big shocker, it’s high.
I used to smoke pot to try and calm myself down, but that really didn’t work either.

What’s a girl to do?