Prepare or shelter?
First off, let me start by saying that I don't have kids. Where I'm coming from on this topic is based upon my experiences growing up. Therefore, this may be a bit jaded, but it's how I feel right now.
My parents are southern. My dad's from a little town in Alabama and my mom's from a slightly smaller little town in Mississippi. My dad came from VERY humble beginnings; his parents died when he was young, and many of the parental responsibilities fell upon him, to take care of his 3 younger brothers and sisters. When his parents were alive, they were prejudice and abusive (well his dad mostly, not his mom).
I am astounded at the man and father he became, given those circumstances. I honestly don't know a lot about his young adult life, but my dad grew from those beginnings into a proper, eloquent, articulate southern gentleman. He had a long professional career in a big corporation, and retired early because of health reasons. My mom was a stay at home mom until my dad was forced to retire; while we were a basically comfortable, middle class family, my mom decided to go back to work and bring in the bacon.
Anyway - my parents, raising me in Philadelphia (my dad's job transferred him when I was just a baby from Virginia to the Philly suburbs), seemed like aliens to me. They had southern accents of course, and were very different from other parents (not to mention older, they were in their 30's when I was born). They were very loving and caring, but also very sheltering and protective. I watched Little House on the Prarie, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, even Donny & Marie. I was never told about the bad things that happened in the world, or how to protect myself when I became an adult. Maybe that was also a product of the times (I was born in 1968, raised in the 70's and 80's), but I think a lot of it was just their proper southern backgrounds and wanting to protect me from being hurt. Southerners, as some of you probably know, are and were more so in those days very proper, and didn't talk about unsightly, unpleasant things. We went to church, we didn't have intense parents-to-children talks, I was good in school, and didn't ask too many questions. We didn't have the "sex" talk, the "drugs" talk, hell even the "rock & roll" talk! :op Everything I learned, I learned from TV, magazines and my friends.
When I turned toward the teen years is when I started getting into 'trouble.' I started smoking when I was 13 or 14, and began falling in "with the wrong crowd." Now back then, it wasn't as big a deal as it is today. You could still roam around your neighborhood at night, after dark, without your parents calling the FBI and issuing an amber alert. At least in my neighborhood, anyway. Today, that's just not happening. You have to be guarded and always expect the worst. Anyone could be a killer, rapist, or kidnapper.
Of course, I'd push it to the limit, as I learned to do (and do very well) as a defiant teenager. The problem was, I didn't know shit about sex, about drugs or drinking, or about the potential dangers I was suseptible to as a young woman. I didn't know how to stand up for myself.
I don't know if it was my parents' fault, or just my own bubble I put myself in, but I most definitely was not prepared for what lurks out there in the REAL WORLD. In a lot of ways I'm astounded I'm actually still alive today. I took a LOT of risks as a young girl, did a lot of stupid things (see my past post about getting through in the Wildwood, NJ jail :op) and I've been lucky, in that nothing really bad has ever happened to me.
My dilema is this: should you prepare your young pre-teen about the dangers of today's society, talking to them about what could happen, about how bad people do exist and will pray on you, especially through the anonymous setting of cyberspace.... or, do you just concentrate on the good things and hope they'll steer clear and/or be 'protected' from the bad things out there?
Guns, for instance. Do you tell your kids about guns, about the dangers of guns, about what guns are for and what they do? Or do you just pretend they don't exist and hope your child never finds one, picks it up wondering what it is, and shoots himself or someone with him?
Drugs - do you tell your kids what drugs are, what they do (also of course having to handle the question of "well did YOU ever do this when you were young, mom & dad"? Or do you just pretend they don't exist, and let your kid potentially get busted or worse, overdose and die?
I'm just curious about your opinions - there are parents and singles out there... I know no one wants to alert their little kids to the dangers of the world - but is knowing worse than now knowing????????
My parents are southern. My dad's from a little town in Alabama and my mom's from a slightly smaller little town in Mississippi. My dad came from VERY humble beginnings; his parents died when he was young, and many of the parental responsibilities fell upon him, to take care of his 3 younger brothers and sisters. When his parents were alive, they were prejudice and abusive (well his dad mostly, not his mom).
I am astounded at the man and father he became, given those circumstances. I honestly don't know a lot about his young adult life, but my dad grew from those beginnings into a proper, eloquent, articulate southern gentleman. He had a long professional career in a big corporation, and retired early because of health reasons. My mom was a stay at home mom until my dad was forced to retire; while we were a basically comfortable, middle class family, my mom decided to go back to work and bring in the bacon.
Anyway - my parents, raising me in Philadelphia (my dad's job transferred him when I was just a baby from Virginia to the Philly suburbs), seemed like aliens to me. They had southern accents of course, and were very different from other parents (not to mention older, they were in their 30's when I was born). They were very loving and caring, but also very sheltering and protective. I watched Little House on the Prarie, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, even Donny & Marie. I was never told about the bad things that happened in the world, or how to protect myself when I became an adult. Maybe that was also a product of the times (I was born in 1968, raised in the 70's and 80's), but I think a lot of it was just their proper southern backgrounds and wanting to protect me from being hurt. Southerners, as some of you probably know, are and were more so in those days very proper, and didn't talk about unsightly, unpleasant things. We went to church, we didn't have intense parents-to-children talks, I was good in school, and didn't ask too many questions. We didn't have the "sex" talk, the "drugs" talk, hell even the "rock & roll" talk! :op Everything I learned, I learned from TV, magazines and my friends.
When I turned toward the teen years is when I started getting into 'trouble.' I started smoking when I was 13 or 14, and began falling in "with the wrong crowd." Now back then, it wasn't as big a deal as it is today. You could still roam around your neighborhood at night, after dark, without your parents calling the FBI and issuing an amber alert. At least in my neighborhood, anyway. Today, that's just not happening. You have to be guarded and always expect the worst. Anyone could be a killer, rapist, or kidnapper.
Of course, I'd push it to the limit, as I learned to do (and do very well) as a defiant teenager. The problem was, I didn't know shit about sex, about drugs or drinking, or about the potential dangers I was suseptible to as a young woman. I didn't know how to stand up for myself.
I don't know if it was my parents' fault, or just my own bubble I put myself in, but I most definitely was not prepared for what lurks out there in the REAL WORLD. In a lot of ways I'm astounded I'm actually still alive today. I took a LOT of risks as a young girl, did a lot of stupid things (see my past post about getting through in the Wildwood, NJ jail :op) and I've been lucky, in that nothing really bad has ever happened to me.
My dilema is this: should you prepare your young pre-teen about the dangers of today's society, talking to them about what could happen, about how bad people do exist and will pray on you, especially through the anonymous setting of cyberspace.... or, do you just concentrate on the good things and hope they'll steer clear and/or be 'protected' from the bad things out there?
Guns, for instance. Do you tell your kids about guns, about the dangers of guns, about what guns are for and what they do? Or do you just pretend they don't exist and hope your child never finds one, picks it up wondering what it is, and shoots himself or someone with him?
Drugs - do you tell your kids what drugs are, what they do (also of course having to handle the question of "well did YOU ever do this when you were young, mom & dad"? Or do you just pretend they don't exist, and let your kid potentially get busted or worse, overdose and die?
I'm just curious about your opinions - there are parents and singles out there... I know no one wants to alert their little kids to the dangers of the world - but is knowing worse than now knowing????????
posted by Miss_Vicki at 7:32 AM
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