Dazed and Confused

Good song, ain't it?

I find myself in a weird .... situation. I keep looking toward the future, new things..... and it keeps leading me back to the past. Why the hell is that? I remember all the hopes and dreams I had as a little girl.... ya know, finding the 'perfect guy,' having the perfect wedding, buying the perfect house, having the perfect kids... is that really real, or just some stupid-ass dream we all dream, only to be later disappointed by.. REALITY!?

I just find myself in this weird .... place. Wondering what the hell to do with my life. Shit, I'm 37, you'd think I'd have figured this shit out by now, right? Well, disappointly, I haven't. In fact, with each day I seem to have more and more unanswerable questions. I have no idea where to go from here, what I really want, and where to find it.

I think I just need to stop and smell the roses. Shit, this IS the Rose City after fucking all!! ;op

I don't think I'm ever going to find that perfect guy, or buy that perfect house, or have those perfect kids. I am single, and I have a cat. Not quite the dream, but hey at least it's something. Football's starting, baseball playoffs are around the corner, so I have months and months ahead of me that will hopefully distract me from this scary reality that I think too much about. Sometimes I honestly just want to pack my shit up and drive aimlessly across the country, hoping I'll find "it" along the way somewhere. Somewhere I least expect it. Just a little distraction from the worrysome "search" would be nice :)