Creepy Crawlies and HeebeeJeebies
This morning, as I was in the bathroom getting ready for work, I saw the cats (my cat and my roommates' two homosexual incestual cats) all staring intently up at the ceiling, and that can only mean one thing. BUG!!!! There, nestled in the corner, either fearing for its life knowing me and the cats lurked nearby or planning its attack on any or all of us, was a black spider about as big as a nickel. To me, that means HUGE SPIDER!!
Now, I don't like bugs. Not any one of em. I don't kill them for fun or anything like that. I'm AFRAID of them. I know they won't hurt me and all that shit, but my wittle brain doesn't give a fuck about that. When I see one, the panic starts. The paranoia follows. It ain't pretty.
Spiders actually aren't actually what I'm most afraid of, so maybe in some weird way I should count myself lucky that's what I saw. Back in Philly, it's roaches. THAT'S what scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I can't even stand to look at those stupid pop-up ads with the roaches crawling around. It's that bad. If I see them on TV, I freak out. Imagine the fun if I saw one in person. If one got into my car? There would be a lot of deaths that day - I can't physically help myself.
Want to know what's worse than seeing a spider or bug? NOT SEEING ONE. Yes..... I left the spider to the cats to guard, while, with a watchful eye, I finished getting ready. I came back out into the hallway when I was finished and..... freakishly, to my disappointment - it was GONE. Then a whole new panic sets in, because I don't know where the fuck it went!! Did it dive-bomb me when I was walking by and jump on my head? Did it fall to the ground, escape the cats, and then find a good hiding spot where it could torture me repeatedly any time it wanted? Was it headed FOR MY BED???? These were questions I was not ready to answer nor explore at 6:30 in the morning.
See why I need valium????
Now, I don't like bugs. Not any one of em. I don't kill them for fun or anything like that. I'm AFRAID of them. I know they won't hurt me and all that shit, but my wittle brain doesn't give a fuck about that. When I see one, the panic starts. The paranoia follows. It ain't pretty.
Spiders actually aren't actually what I'm most afraid of, so maybe in some weird way I should count myself lucky that's what I saw. Back in Philly, it's roaches. THAT'S what scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I can't even stand to look at those stupid pop-up ads with the roaches crawling around. It's that bad. If I see them on TV, I freak out. Imagine the fun if I saw one in person. If one got into my car? There would be a lot of deaths that day - I can't physically help myself.
Want to know what's worse than seeing a spider or bug? NOT SEEING ONE. Yes..... I left the spider to the cats to guard, while, with a watchful eye, I finished getting ready. I came back out into the hallway when I was finished and..... freakishly, to my disappointment - it was GONE. Then a whole new panic sets in, because I don't know where the fuck it went!! Did it dive-bomb me when I was walking by and jump on my head? Did it fall to the ground, escape the cats, and then find a good hiding spot where it could torture me repeatedly any time it wanted? Was it headed FOR MY BED???? These were questions I was not ready to answer nor explore at 6:30 in the morning.
See why I need valium????
posted by Miss_Vicki at 8:04 AM
|
<< Home