The V-Spot (shhhh Victoria's Secret)

New Pic of Me

2006-06-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

Here I am, in all my "in love" glory :op

In Heat

2006-05-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in a lot of it! Summer has made an early appearance here in Portland, it was 90-something on Monday, 80-something yesterday and going to get close to 90 again today! On the one hand - woooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo! I love the heat, I love summer, I love the sunshine. Why did I move to Oregon you ask? Hell if I know :op But, the summers here are worth all the freakin rain in the winter. Love it!! But, on the other hand, I haven't slept well in the past 2 nights, too hot at night. I bought an air conditioner online at Home Depot, I bet by the time it gets here it'll be back to 60 degrees and raining ;)

It's now been over 8 months that Jon and I have been together - I can't believe it's been that long already, time flies. He's absolutely wonderful, and things are really great. I am lucky to have found a guy that's not only cute but thoughtful, caring, romantic, funny, always fun to be around.... his kids are great, his family is great. I really got lucky, and it was well worth the wait. We'll probably be moving in together in 6 months to a year. I'm working on letting go of that independence of mine, and we'll be ready to give it a go by the end of the year.

I hope all you guys are doing well and having fun!

It Just Won't DIE

2006-05-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Mullets - what's the deal? They are God-awful and must be stopped. No one should want to purposely look like this........ RIGHT? I just don't understand it when I see some guy walking down the street in his tight jeans from yester-decade, sporting a mullet, and thinking he's got something on Brad Pitt? Please, someone help me understand what goes through these people's minds. I mean, in the 80's, sure I GUESS you could say it was "in style," to some extent, for these people, but give it up already!!!

Intuition

2006-05-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio on the way into work this morning, and there was a very interesting disscussion about intuition - if you listen to yours, and has it ever saved your life, or someone else's life, got you out of a jam, anything significant??

One woman called in, and said her and her husband go to Boston every year for some sort of show, and a few years back they went as they usually did (her husband worked for the airlines and they could fly back free on standby), and they were scheduled to fly back on a Tuesday (I think she said), but something "inside" told her to to leave the day before, Monday. She finally convinced her husband to leave a day early, and they did, and got back fine. The next day, her husband called her from work, woke her out of bed, and told her to turn on the TV. She did, and soon realized to her horror that the plane she and her husband were to have been on that day was the one that flew into the Twin Towers on 9/11. My God, could you imagine? That would freak me out like nothing else. I still tear up every time I even think of 9/11....

Another woman called and said she was on an out of the way, hilly type road, with her infant daughter in the car, and came up on a young girl that had hit a dog in the road and was stopped. This woman stopped to see if the girl was ok, but quickly left, having a terrible feeling that she needed to get out of there right away. She did (the girl was fine), and shortly after, after getting home, heard about a drunk driver that had come barrelling up that road, and hit two cars, one was a car that had stopped in the road to help that same girl she had stopped for, and the other was the girl herself, and all of the people who were hit died at the scene.

Has anything ever happened to you, where you had an intuition or "bad feeling" about something, that ended up helping you or even saving your life? Do you listen to your intuition?

A little piece of good in the world

2006-04-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Subject: Two Choices

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line; there isn't one! Read it anyway. My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped, comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this s juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second! base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

******

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

tid bit for the day

2006-04-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hell I haven't been in a writing mood AT ALL lately, don't know why, but so it is :) Here's just a little something my man forwarded to me, thought I'd share it with ya'all :)

I Saw Something That Shocked Me

2006-04-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, shocked the shit out of me, in fact. Well not literally, that would have been hella embarrassing, so thank God just figuratively.

Anyway, the Seattle Mariners played an exhibition game in Portland this past Friday night, against the Padres' AAA team, the Portland Beavers. The forecast was for rain (go figure! Hey it's Portland, it rains ALL THE FREAKING TIME). However, it was nice/sunny all damn day long, so I was hopeful it wouldn't rain. I met Jon after work for dinner and a couple beers, then we walked over to the park (luckily only a few blocks from where I work). By the time we got to our seats (my awesome boss had bought tickets for everyone in the office, and he also had season tickets so I got his seats, only about 9 rows from the field), it started raining. Just misty, but still raining. The seats where everyone else from work was sitting were underneath the overhang, so they weren't getting rained on, so we went and sat with them (of course half the people who had tickets didn't even show up!). The park was entirely sold out, and it made for some difficulty getting around the concourse, and beer/food lines, as this smaller stadium isn't really used to handling that kind of crowd.

I haven't even gotten to the shocking part yet. That happened when I went to the bathroom - there was a HUGE line coming from the men's room, and NO LINE AT ALL coming from the wonmen's room! No matter if you're a guy or girl, I'm sure you can appreciate the shock factor here. And this didn't happen just once. It happened 4 times! Women and men alike were laughing and commenting right along with me, that this just never happened! It was just hilarious, and goddammit I loved it! Was that a fluke, a freak of nature, or has this ever happened before?

*************

I rented two awesome movies this weekend: Capote and Memoirs of a Geisha, both excellent!! Hell, after watching Capote I went straight onto Amazon.com and ordered his book, In Cold Blood. From the passages of it that were read during the movie, it looked incredible, he really writes well, or so it seems ;op I also ordered the Memoirs book, I loved the movie, and my mom said she loved the book, so I figured why not. Hey maybe I'll even get around to finishing the DaVinci Code before the movie comes out in May ;)

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BASEBALL SEASON IS HERE!!!!

Just no words.....

2006-03-29T08:59:00.000-08:00

Pencil in penis backfires

A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.

So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.

Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.

Doctor Aleksandar Milosevic from Belgrade's Zvezdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said: "At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."

Time and Space

2006-03-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

Damn, I didn't realize that it's been over a month since I've "blogged" until I just happened to bring up my blog and saw the last post date. I guess I just haven't had the notion to mess with it lately. I don't know why really, just that it is.

Things are still great with me and my man, it's been 6 months now, and I guess they saying "time flies when you're having fun" is true, because things are really great. He's a wonderful guy and I'm lucky to have found him. We're talking about moving in together at some point, but that's probably 6 months to a year away. After getting my own apartment last July, I've been really enjoying my independence. It's the first time I've had my own place, and I love being in charge of my own life and my own space, and I'm not quite ready to let go of that just yet. Lucky for me, he's very patient and understand and, when we do move in together, I know it'll be wonderful.

The reason I even thought about blogging today was because on my way to work this morning, I stopped into a Starbucks to buy a pound of coffee (Verona, good stuff!). A guy walked into the store right in front of me, and I followed him over to the counter, where one person was already at the register ordering coffee. He got about 6-8 feet away from the counter/register, and just stopped. Stopped! He didn't go and get in line right behind the person already there, which I assume is fookin' normal, is it not? There was literally about a 6 foot gap between him and the person already in line. I wasn't sure if he was looking at something and wasn't quite ready to get IN LINE yet, or what. I stood behind him for oh about 15 seconds, and I finally asked the dude if he was in line - didn't seem like he was, but I didn't want to just walk around him and get in line if he really was in line. Maybe he has one of those personal space issues, I don't know, but when I asked him if he was in fact in line, he looked at me like I had two heads, saying with his eyes but not with his mouth, "Of course I'm in line you idiot, doesn't it LOOK like I'm in line!?"

What the hell is up with that? Was his invisible friend in line with him?

Anyway, that's been my morning so far, enjoy your day!!

Wanna get turned on?

2006-02-15T15:35:00.000-08:00

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******************

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TURN ON has a smooth, very good and different adult pleasing taste with a sparkling mouth feel and foamy carbonation. This is definitely not a soft drink or kids drink.

Turn On Ingredients:

Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Glucose and Sucrose, Citric Acid, Taurine, Guarana, Schizandra, Ginseng, Glucuronalactone, Caffeine, Inositol, Ginkgo Biloba, Niacinamide, Pyridoxine HCL, D-Pantothenol, Vitamins B-12 and B-6, Color.

TURN ON is not suitable for Children, Diabetics and Pregnant Women.

****************

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We are a group of responsible men and women who consider ourselves romantics and decided to make a difference. We are preoccupied with the spirit of idealized lovemaking and dominated by inspiring passionate thoughts, feelings and attitudes suitable for romance in our customers.

We truly believe in the phase “make love, not war.” We were looking for a product that would help bring people together and take their passion to a new level. We want all people to love more... we want to keep everyone “turning on.”

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Warning to Dog Owners About Greenies

2006-02-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

LINK

KANSAS CITY, Missouri (CNN) -- At least 13 dogs have died after being fed the top-selling pet treat in the country, owners and veterinarians have told CNN.

The problem comes because the treats, called Greenies, become lodged in a dog's esophagus or intestine and then some veterinarians say they don't break down.

"I know they are marketed in saying that they do digest. Certainly the ones that we've taken out, esophageal or intestinal, that have been in for days are still very hard," Brendan McKiernan, a board-certified veterinary internal medicine specialist from Denver, Colorado, told CNN. (Watch a vet retrieve a two-day old, undigested Greenie from a dog -- 7:40)

Greenies recommends owners check that the treats are chewed and Joe Roetheli - who launched the brand as a treat that can freshen a dog's breath and clean its teeth - said it was important to pick the correct chew for a particular dog. There are 7 different sizes to choose from depending on the size of the dog.

But most of the dog owners CNN talked to say they did follow package instructions and they still had a problem.

Mike Eastwood and his wife, Jenny Reiff, recently filed a $5 million lawsuit in New York, blaming Greenies for the intestinal blockage that caused the death of their dog Burt.

"I'm mad that their packaging states that the product is 100 percent edible, highly digestible and veterinarian approved, yet our dog died of it," Eastwood told CNN.

S&M NuTec, which manufactures the toothbrush-shaped chew, won't comment on the case but in court papers denied the allegations.

Roetheli said the focus should be on the dental benefits and Greenies are saving dogs' lives by lowering the risk of periodontal disease.

He says feeding Greenies is far safer than putting a dog under anesthesia to clean teeth.

"Dogs really love the product!" he said. "They do a very effective job of cleaning teeth and freshening breath."

Any suggestion that Greenies are defective was rejected by Roetheli, who developed Greenies with his wife, Judy.

"Our product is safe. It is used every day by thousands of dogs, millions a week and it is basically a very safe product."

A CNN investigation uncovered 40 cases since 2003 where a veterinarian had to extract a Greenie from a dog after the treat became lodged either in the animal's esophagus or intestine. In 13 of those cases, the pet died.

One of those was Tyson, Josh Glass and Leah Falls' 8-month-old boxer, who was taken to Brent-Air Animal Hospital in Los Angeles, California, where vet Dr. Kevin Schlanger found the animal had a blocked intestine.

"It was very clear that it was something dense and firm that had caused the obstruction," Schlanger said. He removed a Greenie from the intestine.

McKiernan's says his Denver clinic has seen at least seven cases in the past five years, which he says is an unusually high number. That prompted him to start researching and writing a paper to warn other veterinarians of the problem.

He says his research, which he hopes to get published in a veterinary journal, shows compressed vegetable chew treats, of which Greenies is the most popular, are now the third biggest cause of esophageal obstruction in dogs behind bones and fish hooks.

The federal Food and Drug Administration says it's looking into eight consumer complaints about Greenies but has no formal investigation.

The issue has also been the topic of news reports across the country.

The chews are made of digestible products like wheat gluten and fiber, experts say, but the molding process makes the treat very firm and hard.

Roetheli, who runs S&M NuTec from Kansas City, Missouri, says Greenies do break down when properly chewed and swallowed by a dog.

He told CNN that any product has the potential to cause an obstruction in a dog and that Greenies packaging warns dog owners to monitor their dog to ensure the treat is adequately chewed. "Gulping any item can be harmful or even fatal to a dog," the package says.

The company's Web site addresses the issue in its FAQ section with the question "When giving an animal Greenies, does it affect their digestive system?" The answer "The only time dogs would be unable to digest anything would be if they didn't chew it up before they swallowed it. Canine and Feline Greenies are highly digestible when chewed."

The company says the number of complaints it has received is very low in relation to the vast numbers of treats sold, and CNN spoke with several vets who recommended Greenies.

Introduced in 1998, we found Greenies now selling for about $16 a pound. Last year, 325 million individual treats were sold around the world, nearly three times the sales of its nearest competitor Milk Bone, according to the marketing company Euromonitor International.

"At the end of the day ... literally millions of Greenies are enjoyed by dogs on a weekly basis with absolutely no incidents," company vet Brad Quest told CNN.

Right or Wrong?

2006-02-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

On my way home from work yesterday, I was listening to the radio and one of the hosts was talking about friends of his and his wife's.... a couple, who had recently divorced, with 2 small children, 2 and 3 I think. Since their breakup, they had started dating, and both had significant others. But, they didn't want to hurt their little children by having to tell them and try to explain about their divorce, so they agreed to "pretend" to still be happily married in front of the children - they'd hug, kiss, and basically act as if nothing wrong had ever happened and everything was fine. Of course, their new s.o.'s were a bit "disturbed" by this; hell, I would be too! I think the couple had planned on telling the children when they were older, maybe around 8 or 10, but were going to put on this act until then.

This brings up the topic of "staying together for the kids." Should you? I mean, in a way, sure it's noble, not to put the kids through a divorce, even an amicable one, and just play nice until the kids are grown, and then they can go their separate ways. On the other hand, they're living a lie and lying to their children - is that ok? What kind of effect is that going to have on them, when they do find out the truth? Would it be better for the kids to know that their parents sacrificed their own happiness and stayed together even when they maybe hated each other's guts?

After this story on the radio, there was a flurry of phone calls from people telling the host that these people, his friends, were fuckin' insane and the kids would probably be more screwed up by this charade than actually hearing the truth. What do you think??

The art of rejection

2006-01-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

Rejection Lines By Women - What They Mean

10. I think of you as a brother... You remind me of that banjo player in "Deliverance."

9. There's a silent difference in our ages... I don't want to date my Dad.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way... You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.

7. My life is too complicated right now... I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys.

6. I've got a boyfriend... I prefer the company of my cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

5. I don't date men where I work... I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system,' much less the same building.

4. It's not you, it's me... It's you.

3. I'm concentrating on my career... Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.

2. I'm celibate... I've sworn off only the men like you.

1. Let's be friends... I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I sleep with.

***********************

How do you normally give out rejection? Are you an email person, a phone person, an in-person person? I'm one of those people who have a real hard time "telling it like it is," and I usually make a mess of anything I try to do in this department. I just plain suck at telling someone "Hey, I'm just not that into you." (remember girls, this episode of Sex & The City? LMAO) I'm glad I have me a great guy now, so I won't have to worry about that!!

:)

Stress Relief

2006-01-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Admit it, you thought this was a post about sex, didn't you? ;op

Having A Rough Day?

Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.

The funny thing is that it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See, you're smiling already.

Dead Woman Walking

2006-01-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

Ok I'm not dead, I've just been AWOL for a while. Sorry I haven't written, or commented on any blogs lately. I guess I was just a little burnt out, needed a break, etc etc etc. We all go through that from time to time, right? I'll try to get over to your blogs soon and comment my little brains out :op

Things are pretty damn good for me right now. My man is awesome, and we're getting along great. He's cute, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring, hell he even likes sports! If I say I don't feel good, he asks if there's anything I want or need. He doesn't pressure me or push me, he pretty much lets me set the pace of things. I am still liking my "independence" and am not ready to get super-duper serious, but I can see things progressing that way in the next year or so.

I really don't have a whole lot else to add - a lot's happened since the last time I blogged, nothing monumental, but it's too much to summarize :)

Hope everyone has an awesome 2006!!!

With Age Comes ..... Responsibility??

2005-12-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

Goddammit I hate weather people. Every time I say that the next time, I won't believe their evil lies and count on exactly the opposite of what they say. Then I fall for it....... again. Never fails!!

Yesterday (Sunday) was our firm's Christmas party at a local restaurant, started at 5:30 p.m. A few days before we had heard on the news that we were supposed to get some freezing rain Monday....then they changed it a little, saying it might start late Sunday night instead. Well, Sunday around 2 pm it started sleeting, and hard! Then, the sleet turned to snow. It was snowing pretty hard, but they were little flakes. Plus, we'd had 40+ mph winds all weekend long, so for a few hours there, it literally looked like a blizzard.... IN PORTLAND!! This just doesn't happen! Well, very rarely anyway. So, after a couple hours of this I realize that there's no way I'm going to attempt to drive to the party, with the threat of freezing rain coming and it being only about 30 degrees out and no change of warming up.

Well, the party got cancelled, and of course the snow stopped by 5 or 6, but the roads were still pretty bad. All over the news was "wave 2" of the storm, claiming "for sure" that a bad ice storm would follow the snow, beginning in the early morning hours of Monday. They did everything but swear on a stack of bibles... it was really coming!

So, I jump for joy at the sure-thing day off for Monday, woooohoooooo!! Can't beat that!! I haven't had a day off in months - since mid-September I think, when I was on vacation in Philly. I could use one! I figured I'd do what I always did, set my alarm like normal, get up, turn on the news, get the confirmation that the ice was upon us and I could call into work and get back to sleep with no worries. Well, when I woke up and turned on the news, I was disappointly and frustratingly informed that the temp was 35 instead of 31 and it was just raining and everything seemed to be just fine, except for a few slick spots. FUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

Never believe them. Ever. They lie. And, I think they enjoy it.

Happy Ending Haircut??

2005-12-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

There's this new hair salon for men that opened up here in Portland, called HairM. It's for men exclusively, and it's designed to pamper the man. The stylists' stations each have their own TV, with remote, where the man can watch sports, news, whatever he's into (porn I don't know about :op). They give the man a long scalp massage, offer him a beer, and try to make his short stay there as pleasant as humanly possible - for a man to be in a salon.... let's face it, it's probably not a guy's favorite place to be. I wish I'd have thought of this, it's really a great idea!

I made a comment to JP this morning that if the women wore bikinis, they'd attract even more men and get pretty goddamn big tips to boot!! :)

JP sent me some pictures today of a hair salon in Poland, dammit they stole my idea!!!

$.02 please

2005-12-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

Need your opinion on this. As most of you know, I don't have kids, so my opinion may differ from that of parents. We'll see eh? :op

First off, I heard this on the radio, I didn't come up with it myself, just curious how all of you feel.

If you are taking your spouse or significant other out for dinner at a fairly nice restaurant, say 7:30 pm or later, do you think it's ok to have parents with young or young-er children there, running about, disbehaving or being loud, or should they be asked to leave? One of the DJs out here on some stupid station brought up the topic, and a lot of caller-inners said they would not want to deal with screaming, unruly kids (especially someone else's) while out at a nice romantic dinner.

Ok, so I can't think of anything else to say. I just haven't been very inspired to write lately. Well, my office did have a staff meeting yesterday where we talked about a potential matter involving someone with "ballistic diarrhea," if you want I could talk about that at length ;o)

Happy Friday everyone! Go Eagles...! oh fuck, forget it :op

Doctors, Guns & Money

2005-12-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been around much lately - I've been addicted to Ebay, plain and simple. I'm doing as much of my Xmas shopping early and online as possible, and I've been on Ebay 18 hours a freakin day. It's sick, I tell you, sick!!!

Still with J, everything's great! Actually looking forward to the holidays this year, sans shopping. I hope I get a nice Xmas bonus to pay for all this shit ;o)

I leave you with a Friday funny, as I have to get back to Ebay!!!

Guns and Doctors, Some interesting comparisons:

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
---------------------------------
Now think about this:

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80
million..)

(B) Accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI.
----------------------------------

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than
gun owners.

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Toikey

2005-11-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

Please, uninvent tofurkey, it's just wrong. You don't want turkey? Eat a salad ;) 'Nuff said!

I guess everyone's in the giving thanks mood this week, right? I've never been a terribly traditional person, but I guess I'll jump on this wagon and give you the traditional "I'm thankful for..." post.

I'm thankful that I am in relatively good health
I'm thankful that my parents are still in relatively decent/ok health
I'm thankful that I have a nice roof over my head, heat to keep me warm and food on the table.
I'm thankful for the new man in my life, and hope to spend many more holidays with him.
I'm thankful that I live in a city without humidity in the summer and without snow and/or ice in the winter.
I'm thankful for beer - 'nuff said.
I'm thankful for Scott Stapp, that man is frickin awesome.
I'm thankful that the Eagles managed to win 4 whole games so far this year, considering they seem hell-bent on having the worst season in 7 years.
I'm thankful that the Phillies finally got rid of that maggot Ed Wade - maybe finally we'll have a decent season and make it to the playoffs!
I'm thankful for dogs, well because they just rule (honorable mention to my kitty cat, I love my girl!)
I'm thankful that most of the stupid mistakes I've made in my life haven't come back to bite me in the ass.
I'm thankful that, despite all the craziness in the world today, I can still be hopeful about the future of mankind (most of the time ;o))

Happy Turkey Day everyone, may Dallas get their asses kicked!!

5 second rule applies?

2005-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know..... I work in a law office that does primarily medical malpractice plaintiff's work. We sue doctors and hospitals who screw up.

My boss got an interesting email inquiry this morning.....

A woman and her husband went to a fertility clinic at a local medical facility.... somehow, "in process," the husband's sperm was accidentally dropped on the floor. Bummer! So, after that didn't go so well, the couple left. They then get a phone call from the facility, asking them to come in "for a meeting." They come to learn that the husband's sperm (yeah, the same sperm that fell on the floor) had been accidentally -- implanted, inserted, turkey-basted, whatever you want to call it -- into another unknown woman's body. Fortunately, the woman didn't become pregnant.

So...... how in the fuck did the sperm get from the floor into some strange woman's uterus? Did she happen to be laying on the floor spread eagle with her cooch pointed upward? Makes ya wonder, doesn't it?? :)

Stupid People

2005-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

Are they born stupid? Become stupid? Smoke too much pot, do too much crack, what is it that makes them stupid?

I'd be writing a novel the size of Insomnia if I went into all the ways people are stupid, but this is just one example and it drives me nukking futz.

We have this recycling station at our apartment complex, it's inside a garage type thing. In it are different sized receptacles - one big dumpster for garbage; one big mesh-like dumpster for flattened cardboard; several big plastic bins for plastic, newspapers, cans, etc.... and ONE big plastic bin for GLASS. Doesn't seem too complicated now, does it? I didn't think so.

So, every single time I go in there to take my recycling, which is once or twice a week, I go to put my empty beer bottles (thank God that bin is big) in the Glass Only container, only to find, time after time, that some dumb fukks put plastic bottles of all colors, shapes and sizes into this bin. WHY, I ask you!!?? It clearly says Glass Only on the container. It's not like the other bins that are appropriate for plastic are full either, because they're not. I checked. Yes, this is how sick I am, how much this irks me. I can see if one accidentally slips in with the glass, but no.... it is chock full of em!

I don't even know if it's just one person that continually does this over and over, or if there is a renegade group of stupid-ass people that live in the same complex as me. Given the amount of times lately I've seen police cars around, it is probably the latter. Or, could it be that, after stupid person #1 dumps his non-glass items into the glass only container, other not-quite-as-stupid people say to themselves, "hey if you can't beat em, join em!"

I hate stupid people. I really really REALLY do.

Have a nice day! ;o)

1-armed paperhangers eat your hearts out

2005-11-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Damn work has been so freakin busy that I haven't even had the time to blog lately!! So, in lieu of a real post, this is a little funny somethin that my buddy sent me :op

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Eagle Has Crashed

2005-11-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

First off.... I drank too much last night. If you saw the Eagles game, you'll know why.

This team is killing me, slowly and most definitely surely. After last year's wonderful season, you expect them to, well, not be in LAST FUCKIN' PLACE!! Their offense is horrid, the defense not much better, special teams.... ugh. Yes McNabb's hurt, yes T.O. is acting like a 3 year old who didn't get the toy he wanted, yes various other injuries have plagued Eagles players this year. But Jesus!! Last Place?? We've OWNED the NFC East for the last 5 or so years. Now, we're in last place. This just sucks. Royally sucks. This is the first year since Andy Reid came to Philly that we haven't improved. We've already lost more games than we did all of last season.

I'm so sick of T.O. I'm about to scream. What a whiny fucking asshole!! Yes, the dude can catch, but my God will he EVER shut the fuck up? He's not getting enough attention wah wah wah. We didn't proclaim it National T.O. day, so he "criticized the organization for not publicly recognizing his 100th career touchdown catch." Ya know what? FUCK YOU, FUCKO!! You should APPRECIATE that you are talented and healthy enough to play in the NFL. You should wake up every fucking day and be grateful for your good fortune, not whine like a 3 year old that you don't get enough money or enough attention to make you feel like a success. Fucking asshole. I swear, he can go fuck himself, I'm so done with this jerk. The second I heard he was coming to Philly, yes I was excited, but with reservations. I know how he was in SF and just hoped against hope that he wouldn't pull the same shit. We don't need that kind of attitude on our team. Nothing pisses me off more than to see someone like him, talented and successful, whining becausen they don't have enough fame or enough millions to satisfy their insatiable appetite. Gimme a frickin break.

Ok I'm done ranting now, happy Monday!

Remind me never to.....

2005-11-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

Go grocery shopping, on the way to work, in a frickin flood!!

I figured I'd stop at the store this morning to get "a few things" - which in womanspeak unfortunately means buy the whole goddamn store, even though it was pouring rain, and I mean POURING FUCKING RAIN. There is a small river LITERALLY on the street outside my work. This is the second day in a row of such pouring fucking rain, and I'm about sick of it. In fact, that's what the news should report, that's POURING FUCKING RAIN. Because it is. Hell, the rain actually set off a car alarm in my apartment parking lot this morning!

Ok, back to shopping. I park right right by the entrance, across the street, figure I can run my cart over there with Ichiro-like speed, throw the shit in the back, and be on my way, a little wet but no worse for wear. (Mind you, now that I'm an "official Oregonian" I gave up my umbrella for my hooded raincoat - it's wussy to use an umbrella in this town, trust me I've gotten quite the stare in the past.) So, I get ready to leave the store with my cart full of shit (only went in there for a few things, I swear!)....well, the cart decides to completely lock up in the middle of the fucking street just as the skies opened up even worse than it had been. So, I'm stuck in the middle of the street in the pouring fucking rain with a cart that literally won't move an inch. I had to literally pick up the cart full of shit, about a foot at a time, and get it to the side of the road, so I could finally load up the van. By this time, my jeans were just about soaked through, I am standing in about 3 inches of water and my hood keeps blowing off b/c of the wind.

So, I'm at work, drying to dry off, and cursing the food I just bought with every 4-letter word I can think of, and a few more I made up along the way.

Then I feel totally guilty, b/c J works outdoors, so he's got to deal with this pouring fucking rain all fucking day.

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope it's a little drier where you are :)